Brains of Paradise

Howdy there. My name is John.
I'm 20 years old at the time of my editing this, and I'm really confused.
Really. Confused.
I know people have it way worse off than I do, but my brain is hardwired to not care, about everything and everyone. I'm a narcissist. I sometimes wonder if everyone is secretly this way.
I used to think I was a failure, but I was wrong. I wasn't failing, I was just slipping. The world isn't as solid as we think it is. People think rooting themselves in society and superficial shit gives them real ground to stand on, but (at the risk of sounding like an irate hipster) society isn't really all that real.
When most people look at society, they see a bustling city street, where everyone is doing their part.
When I look at society, I see a group of animals vainly clinging to scraps that they made up to make life easier.
It's ridden with holes.
I used to play a game where you were a ball, and the ground kept coming at you, so you had to move through the screen and find the holes to fall through before the ground smashed you against the top.
That's how I see my life.

November 11th.

My life is probably the closest it’s ever been to being completely ruined.

The girl I used to have a thing with is apparently a whore.

The girl I used to hate is supposed to be my friend.

The girl I want lives in another state.

The girl I need doesn’t exist?

I’m failing Psychology, Calculus, and Philosophy. Needless to say, my father wasn’t happy when I told him this morning.

I have no motivation to do anything anymore except text people.