Brains of Paradise

Howdy there. My name is John.
I'm 20 years old at the time of my editing this, and I'm really confused.
Really. Confused.
I know people have it way worse off than I do, but my brain is hardwired to not care, about everything and everyone. I'm a narcissist. I sometimes wonder if everyone is secretly this way.
I used to think I was a failure, but I was wrong. I wasn't failing, I was just slipping. The world isn't as solid as we think it is. People think rooting themselves in society and superficial shit gives them real ground to stand on, but (at the risk of sounding like an irate hipster) society isn't really all that real.
When most people look at society, they see a bustling city street, where everyone is doing their part.
When I look at society, I see a group of animals vainly clinging to scraps that they made up to make life easier.
It's ridden with holes.
I used to play a game where you were a ball, and the ground kept coming at you, so you had to move through the screen and find the holes to fall through before the ground smashed you against the top.
That's how I see my life.

It’s work. The person you love is rarely worthy of how big your love is. Because no one is worthy of that and maybe no one deserves the burden of it, either. You’ll be let down. You’ll be disappointed and have your trust broken and have a lot of real sucky days. You lose more than you win. You hate the person you love as much as you love him. But, shit, you roll up your sleeves and work - at everything - because that’s what growing older is.

—Dennis Lehane, Mystic River (2001)

(Source: blogut, via quote-book)

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    ——Rarely worthy.
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