Howdy there. My name is John.
I'm 20 years old at the time of my editing this, and I'm really confused.
Really. Confused.
I know people have it way worse off than I do, but my brain is hardwired to not care, about everything and everyone. I'm a narcissist. I sometimes wonder if everyone is secretly this way.
I used to think I was a failure, but I was wrong. I wasn't failing, I was just slipping. The world isn't as solid as we think it is. People think rooting themselves in society and superficial shit gives them real ground to stand on, but (at the risk of sounding like an irate hipster) society isn't really all that real.
When most people look at society, they see a bustling city street, where everyone is doing their part.
When I look at society, I see a group of animals vainly clinging to scraps that they made up to make life easier.
It's ridden with holes.
I used to play a game where you were a ball, and the ground kept coming at you, so you had to move through the screen and find the holes to fall through before the ground smashed you against the top.
That's how I see my life.
creamteaandwhores asked: I think you're stuck. I think you have to make a choice: 1) Kill Yourself (for real, not some pathetic attempt) 2) Become Normal (more Intense therapy, heavier antipsychotics, the like) 3) Suck it up. Do something with the pain, disdain, and hostility. Find a career, be artistic, go to some alternative school. Become famous, feed your ego. Move on from the stagnant place you're at. Please your narcisism by proving you're better than other base fuckers out there.
Currently attempting number 3. The hardest of the 3.
